The things we would tell ourselves...

I like this whole blogging thing, but i like reading other people's blogs better. Some people just have the words, some people actually get them down for others to read. I've just read two great blogs. People i don't even know, but I read their blogs religiously now. I've only recently found them and I am inspired to be a better writer, not to be famous, but to maybe touch a few hearts as they and others have touched mine. Two blogs I read are Gluten Free Girl, this one brought me to tears a few days ago: http://glutenfreegirl.blogspot.com/2007/11/coming-home.html
and then I am reading Nothing But Bonfires (thanks Rach, for enlightening me) this post, made me cry too.. (the tears were good tears mind you, not the sad kind, much better good then sad!)
They may be silly little stories of love and loss and love again, but they are beautiful. I am a silly cry baby girl sometimes. What do I care?
Nothing but Bonfires was talking about what we would tell ourselves if we could go back.
For example, if I could go back to high school, I would go back to the girl I was at 17 and tell her to slow down, to try and not be in such a hurry to grow up. To enjoy the moments and the never-ending laughter. That silly high school crushes aren't the end of it all, and that boy you liked for 3 years, you actually remained friends with all these years later. I would say Sabrina, enjoy these moments, because being an adult has it's freedoms, but not the freedoms that you have now.
Maybe I would go back to myself at 20... On my way to New Hampshire to begin a new phase of life. Oh but I was so sad and heartbroken. Having to say goodbye to your first real love can be devastatingly hard. The tears, the agony. But you made it ok, you had one of the best years, good and bad of your life! You really did!
The things i could say to myself if i could just only go back. The tears aren't forever. The pain will go away, and soon you will be ok!
But you can't go back can you? There is no time machine. There is no rewind button. But you can go forward. You can learn from all the experiences that have shaped you and you can choose. Choose to live life or choose to let life live you. Learn from your mistakes, your heartbreaks, your oops i did it again moments! But learn from the loving and the laughter and the beauty of ordinary happy moments. Take it all in, and know that in the end, You will be ok. You will, you will, you will! God is good and grace is enough.
Which reminds me of some words i wrote in may fake poem book many years ago. it's a fake poem book because i don't know if my poems qualify as real poetry. some do, but i don't think this one does. I wrote this after a sad break-up with a boy a bunch of years, maybe 3 now? ago. I can't believe i'm going to actually write it out... if i don't melt from embarrassment i may write some more of my poems down in the future. but don't hold your breath.

this is me and the story of
moving on. how does that work? does
the clock strike the time and you pick your
head-up and pick your tissues up and rub the smudge of
mascara a bit messy but nonetheless battle wounds
for the showing. turn the morose music off angry music too
and put on that dance record. maybe walk to the coffee book
shop store. maybe laugh out loud LOUD to prove that
you still can. maybe even dance to that dance record
mentioned earlier. jump up and down with shades up
and then you stop the hang up phone calls and the late
night drive-bys you don't have to forget the memories because
you know you can't. but you don't re-read the letters you don't
entertain the thoughts you can cry but soon less and less and less and less.
you come to the end of your day you realize you only had one, maybe two
thoughts about him. and that is ok because honestly silly girl how many thoughts
did he have of you.
plus don't forget this
you will love again
and chances are
you will be loved
again too
more more more
you will you will
you will.

We have ESPN!

My cousin Kelly and I have this strange thing going on. It's as if there are moments when our brains have melted into one and our actions and thoughts mirror each others. At first it was amusing, now it's getting a bit creepy. We are related, we share the same grandparent's, great grandparents and so on and so forth. But I am not like this with Aunt Barbie or Uncle Todd or Cousin Chris. Somehow over the years Kelly and I have begun to think a lot alike, or just know what the other person is doing or is needing. For example I made a bumper sticker for Kelly that says, Should=Shame=Puke. And at the same time Kelly was making a bumper sticker for me that says, Should=Shame=Puke! We did not tell each other we were doing this, we just did it. The other day I had a hunch that Kelly may be enjoying her favorite Bruegger's Bagel Combo of Pumpkin spread on a cinnamon crunch bagel. I texted her, joking that she was probably in the middle of feasting on her bagel. Sure enough, She was! There are all sorts of little things like that... The other day, I was craving these wasabi crisp crackers. Crunchy and spicy and makes your nose tingle from all the wasabi. As I was going to lunch, i sent Kelly an email saying that i was off to lunch... but all I really wanted was the wasabi crackers. And of course, why should I be surprised, Kelly had bought me a bag that morning!
So I have no clue why we are this way... my one suspicion is that they tried to make us be the same person, when they made us dress alike growing up... you tell me!

Just Click Your Heels Three Times...

I didn't plan on spending my weekend shopping... I just don't have the funds for such luxuries, but when my mom asked me to shop with her on Saturday, how could I say no? I didn't buy anything, but it was fun to spend time with my mom. Which is really funny that i can say that now. When I was a teenager, I don't think we liked each other a whole lot. I had a constant attitude, and my mom had no desire to put up with it. But thankfully, we get a long just fine now. My mom even gave me money to get my hair done. Typically, I am fine going to Fantastic Sams, but awhile back my mom treated me to a cut and color at a nice salon, and the lady did an amazing job. I'm not saying I'm hooked, but if my mom wants to help me out, I'm not saying no either. I was thinking of the Katie Holmes cut, but i am realizing just how attached to my long hair I really am. If I had a picture I could download, you would see me about 7 years ago when I cut all my hair off. I'd say at one point it was about 1-2 inches long. It was not a pretty sight, and i looked like a boy. Man it was UGLY! I was so traumatized that I vowed to grow it out and never cut it again. Of course, as I look at what styles the ladies are wearing these days, typically I don't see a lot of long curly hair out there. Mostly, I am realizing how out of place my hair looks when I am with my friends and others. Even my BFF Rachel who always had long curly hair, now wears is strait and chin length. She looks amazing... so I am curious if i could pull it off too? Maybe my hair fits my personality? I always feel a little on the oddball side, not necessarily out of place, but not necessarily cool. But then again, at 30 I am very much past the stage of trying to be cool. I am just trying to be me, and that is the best i can do.

Can you believe that it is almost a new year? What an interesting year this has been. I can't even begin to explain the things that have taken place in my life, sadness mingled with joy... but all very transforming. I wonder if God knew what he was doing? I think He did! Sometimes it takes a little nudge from God and sometimes it takes a huge shove to get me going in the right direction. But like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I too, had it in me the whole time.

How can it be?

On my way to meet Shannon for dinner, I stopped into some of my favorite shops in Linden Hills. I was hoping to score some Halloween decoration deals, but to my surprise, everything was CHRISTMAS! How can it be? Halloween is barely over and Thanksgiving still has a few more weeks to make an appearance. Don't get me wrong I love Christmas, love it! Everything about it, I take great delight in it. I anticipate Christmas all year long, and as it inches forward, I feel it, I really do! My mission today was Halloween, but I broke down, how could I not? At the Garden Room there was Christmas music and ornaments and Christmas cookies! I couldn't resist... So i bought one tinsy little Christmas decoration, a trinket really. But oh, it was surely calling my name... I heard it! I did! I did complete my mission though, because I went to Target and bought a Halloween bowl. Now i have to wait a year to use it. That is the down-side of after the holiday deals. The stuff you buy for the holiday itself is over and done with. So in a box it all goes.

Eventually, I did meet up with Shannon. We met at Joe Sensor's so we could gorge on waffle fries and play trivia until it was time to go to the movie. I can't reiterate enough how completely goofy we get when we are together. Nothing has changed. People look and stare because we can't stop laughing. It was the same in high school. If we had a class together, and we had many, practically everyday we would hear, "Girls, Please Stop!!", from our teachers. But oh it's not our fault, we just can't help ourselves! I pray that we are still laughing like this at 70!

So we ate waffle fries and played trivia, and for fun I wore this thing in my mouth that made my teeth light up... it was crazy and funny... pictures can't do it justice! Shannon and i eventually went and saw Dan in Real Life. I liked it a lot. Steve Carell is a keeper!

BOSTON BLOWOUT!

I really like the Red Sox, not as much as the Twins, but I really do like them. Of course I used to live in New Hampshire, so that helps. I'm glad the Sox swept the Rockies. I don't feel bad. My cousin lives in Denver and I still don't feel bad. However, I was reading the newest issue of Sporting News and on the cover it says: BOSTON BLOWOUT!! Funnily, it looks like Jonathan Papelbon is having a blowout of his own! I almost want to super-impose a toilet under him! I kills myself sometimes!

To Ellen on her Halloween Birthday...

Happy Halloween. Not only is it Halloween but it is also Ellen's (Elbow, Elle, Nellen) Birthday! A couple of us kooky girls met Ellen at Axel's Bonfire on Grand Ave... Something must have been in the punch, (or the margarita's) cause we were one giddy and goofy group. Of course it was Halloween, so maybe there was something in the air?
We had fun, celebrating Ellen and her life. Megan sang for us, and some of the girls had fun taking pictures with my camera of their naughty bits... but I won't name names, and I'm way too classy to post any pictures of that variety! Oooh they are cheeky girls! But I love them all!
We had a beautiful time celebrating Ellen and her life. Happy Birthday Ellen! And to top off the night, we discovered the many ways you can wear a scarf. Ellen was the Model Du Jour... and she was oh so inspiring! Could she be America's Next Top Model? This was WAY better than watching ANTM! Oh yeah... WAY better!

Pumpkin Carving Madness!

The Robideau-Vlachs, held their first annual Pumpkin Carving Madness Party! First I was treated to a delicious dinner, prepared by kelly. She made a wonderful soup that was hearty and healthy! We then set to work on our pumpkins. The vlachs used a Chinese symbol for Peace. Kelly was a bit worried that maybe the symbol wasn't really a symbol for peace, and that maybe it said something bad about Hmong people. And considering her neighbors are Hmong, maybe it would be offensive. But I reassured her that, her Hmong neighbors probably don't read Chinese...
We were having a fun time carving and chatting but unfortunately, Kyle got a little crazy with his carving techniques... and he accidentally cut off his hand! Ooops!

I had no clue what I wanted to do, so I just did some weird swirly design, but all in all I think turned out pretty decent. Fun times.After the carving madness, we ate some amazingly wonderful apple pie that kelly made. Mmmmm... It was a very Spooktacular night! Check out the slideshow on the vlach's blog: http://vlachster.blogspot.com/