Thursday, August 21, 2008


I am at work. I can't concentrate. Again more changes. You know that feeling you get right before you go into something new? Like a new job, or big move, or a new relationship? That strange stomach thing that happens and that erratic racing of heart beats? I am feeling that way.
Not a bad thing. I just have a much anticipated next few days ahead of me. My job is going to be chaotic starting Monday. Everything at my job is up in the air. Not fun.
I don't like change, but I embrace it while it is happening. It's the before that makes me the most nervous. More nervous than the during or the after.
And this is a weekend of truly letting go and embracing what is ahead.
Most people who read this know that my ex boyfriend is getting married this weekend. I'm fine with that, really I am. I'm not just saying this to make myself feel better. I have had time to heal and grieve. It's a relationship that is very over. I wish him the best. But it has only been a little over a year since we broke up, and he is marrying someone else. It happened fast for him this time. I waited years with him to be ready. I thought i would even marry him. But I'm not, and I'm glad. Not because he is a bad person, but just because he wasn't the right person. Although it is an adjustment. For the years i was with him, I had planned my life with him, for the long haul. When it ended I felt lost. My life did a 180 and I had to quickly sink or swim. I chose swim. But even so, I still had years of memories, hopes and dreams with him I had to let go of. Even marriage. So as he marries another, I let it go, I continue to move on and I have never been happier. I hope no one pity's me or feels sorry for me. Be happy for me that I have a lifetime of good things to look forward to. Celebrate with me.

When I was going through the worst of it, i would read these verses over and over. Most of the time i would say, Will I ever be happy? Will I ever not cry?
It was hard to imagine a time when i wouldn't be sad. With time does come healing. God is in the sorrows and in the joys.

Psalm 126
When the LORD brought back the captives to Zion, we were like men who dreamed.
Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy. Restore our fortunes, O LORD, like streams in the Negev.
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.


heather of the EO said...

So well put. Such a strong lady, you are. I'm looking forward to celebrating with you this weekend!

Megan said...

Amen! Lots of love this weekend for you!

joolee said...

Ever thought of wedding crashing? Not in a bitter ex-girlfriend way. What could be better than good friends, dancing and free food!?

Lori said...

joolee is so funny!
Ikea is FINALLY on it's way to you:-)
You can always come to
W I L L M A R this weekend and we can party at the local hole in the wall....
I love you!

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