Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Puzzle Piece

Today i made some plans for valentines day! Being that it is only 2 weeks away, a girl has to plan accordingly. And being a sucker for all things girly i really enjoy the sweetness of this day. the pink hearts and flowers, chocolates and love... ahhh. This valentines day will be spent with good friends and enjoying the love of friendship.
However there is this sense that you have to have a love interest to having a big romantic night and feel complete. But even if you do have a significant other it doesn't mean that romance is in the cards... sometimes valentines day just stinks! Last year i spent part of valentines day crying... but then again i also spent my birthday crying and come to think of it i spent christmas crying last year too, all because i was upset with my then boyfriend. Maybe that is a good sign that maybe something wasn't working.

Sometimes the best relationships just aren't meant to be. Even with all the love and hope you have, it just may not be enough. My last boyfriend was a good guy, i loved him like mad, but something was always missing... was it him? was it me? yes and no, it was both of us.

I always had this feeling in the back of my mind we were like the puzzle piece that didn't quite fit. You know the one where it looks right, it feels right,you fit it into place, but some how you get the sense that it might not be the right one. I have put together many puzzles with kids and it never fails that the they will find that one piece that looks like it will fit, so they push and push and say over and over, "But I know its the right one for this spot!!!" And no matter how much you try to change their mind, they just want so badly for it to be the right piece. You just want to say, "But its ok if its not the right one for that spot, you'll find the right fit eventually." It's the same thing with a relationship that isn't working. Oh, but you have so much hope that it might someday fit, it has to work, it just does!!! You ignore it, pretend that it is working, but you keep coming back to that one piece. And truthfully it is as if you are too afraid to take it out and see if maybe there is a better fit somewhere else. And deep down in your heart if you are really honest with yourself, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, it's just not working. And that can be a painful realization.

I'm glad though i took the risk and tried. I knew when i started dating him that i had to take a chance and see if it was a good fit... it came close, real close... but it just wasn't meant to be, and that is ok too.

It of course doesn't diminish the love I had, it doesn't take away the pain of loss... but would i do it over again... yeah, i would. no regrets.

"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded."
— Maya Angelou


Bonnie said...

good analogy! and, i forgot that valentine's day is coming up! not sure if they celebrate it here... i will have to make plans! :)

jodilee0123 said...

This is very profound and deep and so so true! If only you had written this for me about 18 years ago--when I didn't really get it. Valentine's day is over rated anyway--and on a weeknight! If it makes you feel any better. .. my husband and I have been chatting about your little circle of friends and how we are envious that you are all so good to each other. (And this is only from reading all of your blogs!! haha). That is so special! It really is. . . . You guys are all good stuff!! For sure!! Be proud of that!!

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